Motivation

August 21st, 2018.

It's been almost 3 years since my last post. Coincidentally, it is raining. The perfect mood for this kind of text.
I couldn't sleep right for days, I'm going broke, skipped class twice in a row, can't feel empathy for no one around me, I eat once or twice a day...but on top of that, despite me being affected by this fucked up feeling that I'm going to nowhere, I just can't do nothing about it.
My room is my messy universe. Can't remember the last time I actually got out of there and did something "fun" or "fruitfull" by my free will. For the past few days, I've been thinking to myself "What do I really want?"...Well, to be honest, I don't fucking know. You see, I think of my goals as extremely far away of reality. I can't keep a long-term plan and I'll soon tell you why. Often I find myself only fantasizing about me having a perfect life, where I'm successfull and happy. Usually, when I do this, I'm at bed, after rolling around, watching videos, hearing the first birds singing as the Sun comes up. Finally, I think "I'm wasting my life". I get desperate. That's the first problem on keeping a long-term plan. I usually try to make it out of desperation. Then, all the possible choices and scenarious come with pros and cons, wich I then spend hours and hours visualizing and not being able to try any of them because I get scared of the cons. "What if it goes wrong? What if I just waste my time again?" Then I roll over again and pop up another video that I have probably already seen. That's my fucking routine. It's funny that I can't sleep because I've always wanted the act of sleeping to be optional. For me, it is a total waste of time. We could do so many things in 8 hours...and now that I don't sleep I still don't do shit...

I read once a very cool phrase that I often repeated to myself in 2016. It said "the simple fact that you aren't where you wanted to be should be enough motivation". At the time, I had just graduated from High School, a fact that made me very sad as I've said it in a previoust post, and started to work on a Japanese factory. The job was easy, yet exhausting and fucking stressing. A dirty place with bitter people, a constant feeling that I was just "another pawn". I had in mind that it was temporary, that is was for a bigger purpose...but day after day that confidence was getting weakened. There was some point in time that I would just "wake up" in a blink and think "For how long have I been doing this shit?" It seemed like forever. And now that I feel that I basically wasted 70% of everything I worked for, financially and emotionally, I've been feeling the same way. My family always labeled me as lazy. The truth is, this laziness is just hopelessness. Lack of faith and will.

"Death is the biggest motivation of all"

Things like that do open my eyes a little bit. I know that I can't procrastinate this for much longer, otherwise things are gonna get really worse...I'm wasting my time. It is just hard to accept that the world has a very bad side. It is unfair, it is evil and it may put you down. Maybe sleep isn't so bad after all...since you forget you're in this goddamn reality. Am I too coward? Maybe...Am I a dreamer? For sure. I just gotta figure out a way to stop hiding behind dreams and actually chasing them...after all: IF YOU'RE NEVER WILLING TO GO TOO FAR, YOU'LL NEVER GO FAR ENOUGH IN LIFE.

I'm done...My writing is trash and I can't express anything else that I'm feeling anymore. Gotta work on it. It's been a while, guys!

I'm So Desorganized!

Hey, Guys!

Well, you can notice that the last four posts were posted in a row, and that's because I had a goal of 25 posts in this blog by today, and what happened was that I left a few posts accumulate and didn't post them.

That freaks me out. Sincerely, I'm pretty disorganized. And I hate being disorganized, because it makes me lose time, sleep, calm, stuff, etc...

I'm thinking about the Shia LaBeoulf DO IT speech, getting inspiration from it to start making a change. For real! Hahahaha.

That's why I will keep on posting in this blog and certainly correcting errors in previous posts and making more decent posts from now on (and keep my room organized as wel hahahaha).

Men's Hair Is So Much Simpler Than Women's...or Nah

Hey, guys'

So, recently, I've been having a fight with my hair before going to school, and as soon as I gave up on the last few tries, I thought "Well...at least men hair are simpler than women's, maybe today they won't notice this.

Well, later when I got home, I just found a video that really reminded me of how creative we can be. It's a video regarding 100 years of men hairstyles. I even recognized some cultural influences, check it out!

So, what did you think? Need a barber?

What is love?

This is something that a very special person wrote for me a few years ago...


Nobody knows what is love,
If it is to find someone similar,
Or different,
If it is to be safe,
Or afraid,
Nobody knows if it is
To know how to explain,
Or have no words to describe,
Nobody know when they find it,
But they do if they find it,
Nobody knows how is it,
Nobody knows if it's perfect,
Nobody can really explain
What is love.
But we know that it is good,
We know that it is beautiful,
Sometimes it can be hard,
Sometimes it can hurt,
Sometimes love...
Plays with us,
Makes us look dumb,
Many times
We suffer and cry,
It's love's fault,
This love that we can never explain,
But that is always inside us,
Sometimes we need to suffer,
To find this love,
Because love,
Is nothing more,
Nothing less,
Than a simple...
Person.
But sometimes this person enters in a way
In your life
That he/she doesn't get out anymore,
And this person,
The one you're thinking about while reading this,
This person for whom you've cried a lot,
Has suffered a lot,
Lost whole nights imagining both of you together,
This simple person,
That entered in such a magic way in your life,
That person is your summary,
Is the summary of what is
love.
So go after him/her,
And live with him/her
The simplest moments,
And magical
Of your life.
Because he/she
Is your love,
And it's not too hard to dream...
It's not too hard to try...
It's not too hard to LOVE
Love has to be bigger than fear,
And courage bigger than the obstacles...
You can't do it if you don't try,
So at least try, so you can say that you couldn't make it...
But try with love...

That same love that you can't explain...
The one for what you've cried so much,
And suffered so much...
The one that makes you look dumb,
That you don't know if it's perfect,
But if this love is real,
You'll never give up on it,
Just like it won't give up on you,
And even not knowing what it is,
We feel it,
And try to make it never fade away
Never die,
Make everything be perfect,
And that all the love that you feel,
Win at the end.
With all the difficulties,
And all the obstacles,
Because even when you can't explain,
You feel the need to care,
To protect,
And above all,
To love.

Hell's Kitchen Synopsis

Hey, guys!

Hell's kitchen is an American reality television cooking competition hosted by celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay.

During the competition, chef Gordon may be a "little" hard on the participants...

You can see why in here, hahaha.

Anyways, since his rough reputation grew, internet just gained a new meme, and they basically inform you that you could be very entertained watching the series.

The Fifteen Year Rule

Hey, guys!

So, there is a brazilian channel called Jovem Nerd, which produces video logs, gameplays, tours and lots of other stuff that are related to the nerd/geek world.

That includes the cinema world, that is frequently mentioned in "Top 10" videos, flashback videos, analysis videos, etc. When they are discussing an old movie, the often talk about the fifteen year rule.

But what is that?

Well, I don't know if they made that up or if they just learned it somewhere, but it is basically a theory that before you're fifteen, you have a certain type of taste related to movies and series and when you pass the age of fifteen, you shouldn't rewatch the things you liked because you'll realise that they weren't that good, or even that they were horrible!

Well, maybe it isn't universal, but it makes a lot of sense. Try rewatching the Star Trek action scenes or the fisrt Power Rangers series. They maybe will touch your heart, but you WILL realise that it wasn't good, hehehe.

Still, there are indeed movies that can pass on the rule, you'll still think that they are awesome just like they were whatever years ago.

What movie or series can pass on the 15 year rule to you?

The End is Near!

Hey, guys! 

So, my last year in High school is almost ending.

We have no more than 6 weeks left and...I'm kinda freaking out!

I mean, my whole life was school. I imagined this moment lots and lots of times, wondering how it would be and then realizing that the moment was far away from happening.

But now...here we are!

All my friends are really excited about it but I'm not, because I am really going to miss them...

I'm having a mix of feelings: happiness, sadness, fear, anxiety...It is not letting me think straight. I mean...in a few weeks my school life is over and I gotta be prepared for my adulthood. I cannot let this anxiety take me down.

It's time to get prepared...prepared to be a man.